Fuh~

You know I always believe in karma and it since came into my life (this concept) was from watching the tv series Earl something something I couldn't really remember. Something bad happen to me and I always blame it on myself and I know when karma strikes. I may not have got an A for my Buddhist test but it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate and respect my belief. Karma has taken it's toll on me and I got no else to blame but myself in this. Last few days has been a blur to me like life just slap me in the face and take a "boohoo" on me. My life is definitely not going the way I have planned it. My mum is going through a very tough time and I wish to be there for her every moment of it because she means the world to me. I have to juggle things in life and without realising it, I'm slowly stepping into adulthood by taking in responsibility and bearing stress, pressure and worries that I have never encounter before. Mistakes that I made without realising comes with great consequences. Sometimes I have this flash back about how innocent and easy life has been being a lil girl all over again. The world hasn't seem so complicated then and life is made so simple that I think human are meant to live that way. Life is definitely not easy as I have learned it as day pass by. There is no short cut and when there's a huge block of iceberg blocking your only way to get off to the shore, you can't just surrender and die like Kate Winslet and Leonardo... You square up your shoulders and said, "You can do this, for better or for worse, have to deal with it!" and might add in a lil pat on the back for yourself. Pressure is no longer just a word or even a phase that I'm going through. It somehow is stuck with me and I think it will be my best friend for god-knows how long. My grinding of teeth has become worse and seeing a psychologist is my last resolution. Just want this roller coaster ride to end with no puking or disaster or watsoever because I know... It's just not easy. Hope it doesn't push me off the cliff since I'm already by the edge.

Ps: Small reminder for myself- Don't get influenced by people so easily and dumb enough to be back stabbed again for mistakes that shouldn't be done.